Don's Health Fitness Wellbeing: Full Circle!

Friday 13th July 2007

This week has been.... a test. As you know, I fought this last Sunday at the British Open. I told you I had a great fight and really enjoyed myself. I also told you that the guy "took" me in the 2nd fight. What I really neglected to say was that I was knocked out cold... Again! Why didn't I mention it? Well, I was kinda embarrassed and was worried what would happen to my position on the team for All Africa Games if the team doctors found out.

It was a nasty knock out, I don't really remember it, not even standing up and then wobbling back to the floor again... apparently! I have flashes of the medical team trying to help me off the mat, me trying to shrug them off and flashes of Gaylene saying "OH SHIT!".. Maybe thats just been filled in after having watched the video tape.

So because of my knockout and concussion, my week has been in a bit of turmoil. I knew I would not be able to train Monday so canceled my gym and training sessions. I knew I wasn't right, I only woke up at 12.30pm Monday and if I shook my head from side to side, it felt like my brain was on a roller coaster all by its self. Tuesday I was feeling worse, I slept longer than usual and was very irritable, classic concussion symptoms. Part of my irritation was also due to the fact I really wanted to train, but knew I really shouldn't. I mean, to be knocked out 12 days before a big event, one that will decide on my selection to the final Olympic squad, is just NOT GOOD! Concussion affects, speed, reflexes, reaction time, co-ordination, you name it. Besides that, the last 10 days before an event are paramount to putting the finishing touches to ones speed and power preparation, to fine tune skills and just get it all flowing right. How much of that was I going to be able to do?

Tuesday night one of the British team coach's Richard Allen called to see how I was. Since being in the UK I have done most of my training either with Dave Cook and John Webster at Jaguar Taekwondo, or with Richard and he has been there and supported me 110%. I am really great full. Thank you Richard! After making sure I was OK, he gave me an earful! "Don.. man! What the hell were you doing man? What were you thinking? You just weren't present were you? You weren't focused man?" "Rich.." I said, " I just went out to have good time, I didn't want to pressure myself into HAVING to perform, I just wanted to go out and enjoy myself, enjoy my fight. And I did Rich, I really enjoyed my fight, and yes I got knocked out in the 2nd match, but really, I'm OK with it!"

"ARE YOU STUPID MAN!?? ARE YOU MAD!! HOW CAN YOU BE ALRIGHT WITH THAT???!!!" Rich positively expressed himself down the phone! " You're a bloody Olympic athlete and you're prepared to settle for 2nd best?? What's wrong with you? There were others out there who were watching you! Who look up to you! How did they feel when they saw you getting knocked out? They don't expect that kind of performance from you! I don't expect that kind of performance from you and you should not expect nor settle for that kind of performance! Yes its important for you to have fun,... but damn man!! You got to win EVERY TIME!!"

After the call I had to agree with Richard. Everything he said was true. He had pumped me up and I was feeling a little more positive again,but it hadn't really sunk in yet.

Wednesday morning I had a physio appointment booked. I had phoned an old friend from primary and high school that was now a physio working in London at a practice called Pure Sports Medicine. I arrived and met Alison at the the swanky, posh practice in Gloucester. My appointment was with a Kiwi, Neil Tucker. We got on immediately. We started talking about my ankle, but once I mentioned my knockout and concussion we switched to that immediately. By the end of it, he had explained that a concussion was basically a brain injury, that I would not.. or rather should not train for 7-10 days post and should make sure I was symptom free before I started training again. If I did rest properly I would recover faster, probably in time from Algeria. He checked and mobilized my ankle and made an appointment for the next day with Dr Mike Bundy, the practice's sports Physician. Mike would check my ankle out and do a bunch of neural tests to check my concussion.

So I left the Physio and was walking down the road back to the tube thinking to myself.. "shit.. what now? If I don't train, will I be ready for the Games? My physical prep would be up to shit. What could I do?" The truth is, I am so used to having an injury or something, that I always find a way to train around it. I find other ways of exercising or training that doesn't compromise my injury but still helps in my preparation, often even in a good way, because I get time to focus on something that I perhaps might not have dedicated enough time to previously. I would swim more, or cycle more, or as in China when in hospital, I would jump around the hospital room. But here I was faced with strict orders that if I wanted to get better, I needed to stop, sit still and RELAX until I was symptom free and then start again slowly!

As I was walking I realised what it was I could do.. and it was so obvious and quite honestly was just as good as a physical training. I was now presented with the opportunity of doing some really powerful mental work and preparation. I have always believed that Taekwondo and any other elite performance is 90% mental, 10% physical. I was being handed on a plate with only one option. To spend the next 7-10 days mentally training, fighting and preparing myself, so by the time I stepped onto the mat in Algiers, I am in prime condition to go and win. Its a REALLY powerful feeling inside of me now. The feeling of not being able to train disappeared, because here I was now able to do a type of preparation that would in actual fact benefit me even more!

Wednesday night was my usual Landmark session. It was presented by Forum leader David Ure. At one point we were asked to share about our experiences and how commitment had really worked for us.It took me a while but after a short while I stood up and went to the micro phone not quite sure if I had exactly what I wanted to say. But as I was standing there before opening my mouth, it all fell into place and I saw a whole new picture.

"I feel I come have come full circle for the 3rd time", I said. "But this time it feels complete! I came to Landmark because I was looking for an answer to help me with my performance. I was competing on the European circuit and doing well, but honestly felt I had a mental block stopping me. I was not performing at my true and ultimate capability". (Those of you that have been reading my blog over the last few months will remember all this). I came out of the Forum having realised that I blamed alot of people for my past in taekwondo. I realised that the last few years I had been training for the Olympics to prove that I could go. That I would go. That I was not a failure for not being able to compete at Sydney or Athens. Through the work I did on the Forum I was able to let go of that feeling of failure and having to prove to everyone that I was good enough and I was able to look at 2008 Olympics with new eyes. It became possible to go to 2008 Games because I loved what I do, the sport, the competition, the game and for those reasons I wanted to go to the Games."

"In May I went to China for World Champs and got knocked out my first fight. World champs was important for me to perform well so the selectors for the final Olympic squad could decide if I was worth choosing. Clearly I didn't make a good impression."

"I came back from China and went straight into the Landmark advanced course. It blew my mind away. I set myself to work on the same issues, my "Olympic story and journey". By the end of the weekend my break through in taekwondo was this. As mush as I loved taekwondo, it became apparent that without the games in my pocket, I would never be complete as a person. That the last 10 years I had spent training for one big pay day and had never had it. That in effect, Donald Ravenscroft was about... being an Olympic athlete and if I never achieved that goal, my whole life would be meaningless and worthless. That Donald Ravenscroft would not exist because he was supposed to be an Olympian. By the end of that weekend, I realised it was all a bullshit story.. a great drama but all bullshit. I was complete with myself already, that I had had an amazing and incredible life and that regardless of the next Olympic Games, I was complete now as Donald and would still be just as complete after the games. Thats yes the Games were important to me but wouldn't make a difference to WHO I AM!"

"This was a huge breakthrough for me and all of a sudden I was truly free to just go out and compete and have fun without having to prove anything or be anyone! I could just go out win and not worry about anything else. In the last month and a bit, I have felt really great about these revelations. I was free of the burden of HAVING TO GO TO THE OLYMPIC GAMES. But deep down I also felt as if something inside of me had died! That last night when I was on the phone with Gaylene and expressed all these amazing "truths" I had learnt, I thought I wanted to cry because I felt as if I had had a massive burden lifted off me, that I was now truly "free". I know now why I really wanted to cry. In the instant I had released my need to HAVE to go to the Games to be somebody.. my Dream had died.. and I just didn't realise it. Looking back I can see, that I was training hard, was enjoying my training, myself, this new person, but now see what was missing. My flame was out!"

As I stood in front of the class, it all came together and Richards conversation and stern talking to flooded back to me. I stood in front of everyone with a massive smile on my face and tears in my throat! In fact as I write this I feel my heart swelling and my throat tightening!

"I feel tonight that I have come full circle" I said, "I realise tonight that I want to be an Olympic Athlete! I want to go to the Olympic Games! That I love what I do, I love my sport. I have a dream and a passion beyond compare and desire to make that real." In that instant... I ignited the flame again and since Wednesday night have felt it beginning to surge from a flame to a fire to a raging furnace. "I went into Landmark wanting desperately to go to the Olympic Games, to prove and be somebody, now all of a sudden I am standing on exactly the same spot but for totally different reasons. I want to be and am going to be an Olympic athlete, but now because I chose to for my future, not because of the past!"

Yesterday I saw Dr Mike Bundy. We went through and did all the neural tests for the concussion, examined my ankle and later went for an MRI. I saw him again this morning along with the physio Neil. The MRI report diagnosed bone bruising on the talus, (ankle bone) a possible compression of the cartilage and two torn lateral ligaments. Whether or not the ligaments were from this latest injury in China was unclear, but they were there. They examined me again and gave me a cortisone injection for my ankle that should see it heal in time enough for me to use it in 10 days time for the Africa Games. I have to rest it for five days before loading it again, which is just as well because the concussion requires I still take it easy.

At the end of the evening on Wednesday I had three guys in particular come up to me. Erik, Dwayne and Masoud. They just came to thank me for inspiring them. By my sharing the over the last three or four months, they had witnessed a new possibility emerge in me and thus in themselves. They expressed what an impact I had made in their lives and I was truly moved and touched they would share that with me. That in my being open and giving in my honesty, I had made something possible for them. It is a truly great and humbling feeling. Both Erik and Dwayne, stoked my fire. Erik in particular was very passionate and I could see how moved he was. With water in his eyes he showed me that on that Sunday, the other guy was just more hungry than I was and I had let him take my food away from me and out of my mouth! In that moment I had given him the match. I promise now, that will never happen again. As Richard said. Every time I step out onto the mat now, I go out to win. To take the other guys food away! Yes I am going to have fun and enjoy myself, but its going to be in going out to win and gorge myself that I enjoy my game. I am an Olympic athlete and every match, every moment on the mat counts and that is how it will be, every time, every win!

In five amazing, difficult, testing days, I have transformed my reality. This concussion has been a blessing! I have reclaimed my will, my passion and desire and feel the flame burning inside me again! In truth I now don't think it was ever truly out! It had just waned a little and needed to be stoked, have life breathed into it again and fuel added. In fact isn't that true of all of us... we all have this little fire, some bigger or smaller than others, but we all have it, whether we know it or not and we just need to blow on it with the right mix to encourage it into a raging furnace of love, passion, desire, success and beauty!

Orison Swett Marden:
"We lift ourselves by our thought. We climb upon our vision of ourselves. If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge your thought of it and of yourself. Hold the ideal of yourself as you long to be, always everywhere."

Comments

WELCOME BACK bruv, one life, no regrets.

Peace
D

Posted by: Dave | July 14, 2007 at 03:02 PM

You will always be my champion, and you are a champion with amazing abilities to be focussed, driven and open to possibilities where most people see obstacles.

Posted by: Gaylene | July 15, 2007 at 04:25 PM